Hai Hai Minna-san! its me again...lols...

i guess im not suited to do a journal...=.=

i juz got back my results for mid-yr...i tot i did quite well...but it din please my mum...

well u noe...i got 5/40 in class, got 3 B4, 4 A1, 1 A2.

As u can see...my mother wasn't pleased with the B4s... haiz...cant b helped rite??

i cried alot...ever since primary 4(10). it din start from primary 3 as i got into the 2nd best class and topped for both mid-yr and end-yr... so she was happy with it...

After that, i was in best class up till now, sec 1 (13). i cried everytime i get back my results. All bcoz she wasn't satisfied.

I dun understand how parents tinks. they used to encourage as when we did badly in the past, saying, its ok. 1 mark aso improvement. continue to improve! As long u tried ur best, its alright.

But it isn't alright at all!! When i heard tis, i kept it inside my mind. Thats wad it made me improve and continue to move on. Is that a lie? Its no longer applicable to me ever since 10. i felt so happy even i only improved 2 marks.. Mama wasn't. She felt that it wasn't enough. Muz improvement be only like 10 marks above?

I'm confused. i feel lost. i hate getting results. no matter how well i did...she would not be satisfied.

Even though she say juz continue to do ur best, i dun expect an A1, i feel that that is a lie. after i improve and get A2 maybe, she will say, Now try get an A1. Even after i get A1, she wans me to sustain. I feel so stressed. I feel that her words are all lies...

She said she gave me alot of freedom, i noe that. She said she did it for my future i noe that. Its juz that i noe and cant accept it! I tried to hard. But i juz cant accept it.

She always compared me to her fren's son. Her fren's son from primary 1 till sec 4 was very hardworking. Had asst. for every subject : A maths, geog, hist, biology, physics, chem, E maths, English, mother tongue and so on... He had to do 1 section for every subject right after sch. and then his mother will check at night.

I understand im far so much luckier than him. However, i dun feel good when im being compared. I cant imagine wad she will say if i tell my mama that i dun like to be compared. haiz...

Sorry its such a long entry. anyway no one's reading so i dun really care